Being Enough

So often as creative types we don’t think of our work as being enough.  It is never good enough. We don’t see ourselves creative enough. Transferring from the abstract concept in our brain to the reality never goes well enough.  We compare our work to others and don’t see ourselves as talented enough.  We finish something  but it isn’t quite right so it isn’t complete enough.  The list goes on and on.

I spent this summer doing work that was so far out of my career element I can’t even begin to explain how it felt. Since I have been laid off from my summer job, I have come back to my real life with a sense of loss as to what I should be doing next. I have been doing lots of creative things in mediums I enjoy working in fabric, paper and words with my new found free time. All of this exercising my creative element, but not  helping me to address what that is rattling around in my head and or helping me to figure out what next in my life.

I was talking with some creative social acquaintances when we got together recently.   I was telling them about really needing to get some of what is rolling around in my head out and captured. It was then that a friend gave me brand new mixed media journal. “Here fill this,” she said.

Initially I wasn’t exactly sure what I was going to fill my new journal with.   I already have four other journals  going with other kinds of creative thoughts and projects I capture.   After sleeping on what I was going to do with this new journal.   I made a commitment to meet up with the creative ladies regularly as I worked through this journal and my life.

I have finished my first page in this journal.   I was sure that this was going to be another project that I would not share with to many folks because it wasn’t enough.   Instead I find this first page just perfect.

It captured how I am feeling right now.   Dumped out and no choice but to go forward.   Going back to my old life is not an option.   Forward is someplace unknown.   Some of it I can control and more of I likely can’t control.   I will need to learn to go with the currents and see what happens.

My page using watercolor, colored embossing paste, pen and ink.
My mixed media page using watercolor, colored embossing paste, pen and ink.

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